Well I Forgot I Had a Blog

I totally forgot.  I don't think anyone ever really read this blog and I always just posted for me, so that probably explains why I forgot it existed.

I haven't written anything meaningful in ages which also explains why I forgot about this blog as the topic I usually covered was writing.

Finished university, went part way through graduate studies before realizing I wasn't cut out to be a research scientist.  Continuing my education in a way that is more applied.

I work in the mental health field, which some may find odd considering my previous career aspirations, but me not so much.  I like to people watch.  I like to know what a person's story is.  This applies to both career paths I think.  This also applied to radio and why I was in that career.  The major change is that I now help others instead of making money for a giant corporation.  While I word it this way, I don't think I was unfulfilled in broadcasting.  I think I just feel a little more fulfilled now.  For now.  We will see what the future brings, though.  But, in general, if I'm going to sweat over something, I'd rather it be something important as opposed to things that fall under the category of 'the small stuff.'

Life is funny, isn't it?  I wouldn't say I grew out of wanting to be a writer.  But I would say that as an older young adult, I've been forced to take a more realistic look at my life.  I'd like to buy a house.  I want some stability.  This is the exact reason I wanted to leave radio.  The lack of stability was driving me mad.  So when I was coming up on being done with school (which I was attending for the second damn time), there were some hard decisions to make.  I wasn't 19 anymore.  I couldn't imagine doing the type of work I did when I started in radio again, and it would have been similar to a start in the film/tv industry.  I remember moving off for my first radio gig, no idea what it entailed, no money, all my stuff packed in the back of my car, not knowing a soul in the city where I was headed, and, before smart phones, only a vague idea of the direction I was headed in from looking at the highway numbers on google maps.  One time later in my nomadic radio career, I literally started out in Saskatoon and just kinda zig zagged my way towards Red Deer, figuring I'd find it eventually.  I did this sort of thing multiple times without a care in the world.  I look back at that time in my life now and laugh/have a panic attack.  To be so carefree.  I think the part of me that led that life still exists inside of me, but there're other parts of me who have changed, grown, and have come to want different things.

I don't go around slamming doors on potential life choices.  Who knows what the future might bring.  But right now I'm in a reasonably pleasant place in life.

Anyways.  The reason I remembered this blog.  I went out for lunch recently with a friend I hadn't seen in quite awhile.  I'd met her back when I was in university.  We had been in the same creative writing class.  Nice girl.  I don't know why we lost touch.  She seems to be in a similar situation to me in that she's gotten herself a 'real' job and has settled down.  The only difference is that she hasn't stopped writing.  I don't think I ever thought that deciding to pursue something else as my career meant that I had to stop writing.  I mean, I'm not that dumb.  But I guess I just sort of got out of the habit of writing.  I got out of the habit of reading, too.  I can't really pinpoint why I stopped doing these things.  I found them pleasurable.  It's not like I disliked them.  I think it's similar to participating in sports when you're younger vs. when you're older in the sense that if you're not making a career out of it, adults tend to stop being so active.

I guess I could psychoanalyse myself all day here.  But I honestly think I'm probably just lazy like some sort middle aged former soccer player who now sits on the couch getting fat instead of kicking a ball around with friends.