Life Stuff

Warning: This post might be a bit 'Spoiled Princess'.

I want nice things.

I'm not greedy, but one day, I'd like to own a house... and a car that's not on its last legs... several pairs of shoes that I don't really need... a collection of purses... have season tickets for the Bombers.

Basically, one day, I'd like to not worry. I want to feel secure and safe. I want to get married and have kids. I want to enjoy life.

This is why I've seriously been considering not going to film school.

Just writing that makes me want to throw up because going to film school is all I've ever wanted. Working in the industry is all I've ever wanted.

But this pesky thing called 'life' has me seriously considering quickly wrapping up my English degree and then either A) doing the post degree program to become an English teacher or B) doing the MA program at the U of W.

I've found several dream jobs over the last week and a bit and the interesting thing is that they're all geared towards different dreams. I'm still so undecided.

I feel like I'm at a major crossroads in my life and that I really need to start making some decisions. The fact that I feel that way just compounds the situation because I know how important these decisions are. This is my second crack at things. It's important to do the right thing. All of this really doesn't make the decision easy to make.

I worry all the time that the world is passing me by... My friends are all getting married and/or having babies... getting set in careers... and although in many ways I'm maybe more grown up than they are, I still end up feeling like a child compared to everyone else (ie: the people who've got 'it' figured out).

I worry that I'll never settle down and have a family. I worry that I won't be ready for the right person. I worry that I'll spend my whole life striving to be something while everything else just rushes by and suddenly I'll be sixty with nothing to show for it.

Basically, I'm starting to think about that other side of life and how it's important, too. Yes, I want a career that makes me happy. But I want all of those other things as well and sometimes compromises have to be made.

I guess it comes down to what's really important to me.