Comfort Levels

In my current career, I'm constantly getting feedback. From program directors, assistant program directors, consultants, old bosses, friends, co workers, the station manager... everyone. I wouldn't say that this doesn't phase me... but it's expected and it doesn't bother me. I mean, I still freak out a bit when I'm sending stuff off for possible jobs, but I actually welcome constructive critisizm and I've gained a certain amount of comfort with having my stuff heard. I don't think I'll ever stop being nervous, but I don't think anyone should.

With my writing, I constantly worry about other people seeing it. I worry that they won't like it. I worry that they'll think I suck. I don't think I suck... if I did, I wouldn't be trying to make this a career... but who knows what other people will think. I've never had someone rip me down and go: 'You fucking suck. Find another option!' so it's not like my fears are reality based. Like I said, I don't expect the nervousness to completely go away... but it'd be nice if I could get it down to bearable levels.

I think the difference between the comfort levels of radio and my writing have to do with a couple different things. One, I've been sending out demos since what seems like forever. Just the shear amount of stuff I've sent out takes away the sting a bit. I think sending out my writing more, until the sting goes away, will fix most of my problems. Also, with radio, it's a job. Out of college, I couldn't be a baby and not send my stuff out because I was scared about what other people would think. I had to get a job and start paying my bills. No time to panic. I think I need to treat writing like that. Like a job. I need to make it so that being a baby about this whole thing is not an option... which is really hard to do when I'm not desperate for a job and starving and struggling to pay my rent. There's a HUGE difference between really wanting something and really needing something. I'm in the wanting stage. Without becoming homeless, I need to put myself in the needing stage.