All By Myself...

I'm moving across the country by myself. I'll be driving across the country alone. This has me feeling a little... scared.

What if something happens?

To make the butterflies go away, I renewed my CAA membership and found a stopping place for the night. Simple planning seems to have gotten rid of some of the worries... but still...

Anyone else feel irrational fears like this?

I mean, I'm going to be fine. I'll drive carefully. I have CAA. My parents are only a phone call away. My friends are only a phone call away. If anything were to happen, I'd have help. If something really actually happened, someone would help me/come and get me.

I think I just need to focus on the greatness of being home instead of the worry about how I'm going to get there.

I've moved... half a dozen times (at least) in the past five years. I've got this down.

But still...

GAH!

My interview is reshed. to Tuesday. It seems as if me and the prof were both wandering to and from his office. I would go there, look around, realize he's not there, and leave just in time for him to get back, check to see if I was there and then leave. Oh, and as for the obvious, there was nowhere to wait by his office without looking like an absolute tool.

So, Tuesday.

Even thought this is mostly my fault for not just looking like a tool, I still hate waiting! I have very little patience!

Nervous

I have my departmental interview for film school in a couple hours. I'm actually not as nervous as I thought I would be. I hunted down a graduate on the internet and he told me exactly what to expect and that the prof is super nice, so I think that did a lot to cool my nerves.

Must get ready and actually put on matching socks now. TTYL.

M*A*S*H

When I was in high school, there was a year (grade 10? 11?) where I didn't have any school in the afternoons. Great, hey? The wonders of leaving the advanced stream and re-entering the S stream way ahead of my class.

Anyways...

I would take the bus home and make it in time to watch M*A*S*H on Prime. Two episodes back to back. During that semester, I watched all billion seasons.

I'm watching it now on the History Channel. Why isn't anything we have now as good as M*A*S*H? It's just so... great... and so many people my age haven't seen it! It's kind of weird to think that there're billions of people walking around who haven't seen an episode of M*A*S*H.

House

I love House, but I'm starting to get really frustrated with it... Because House Will. Not. Budge.

Sometimes, we think we see progress, but in reality, nothing really changes. There's only so long you can love an unlovable character.

There are other unlovable characters in television... but, usually, they're given at least SOME SORT OF HUMAN TRAIT!

House really is a selfish bastard. Everyone around him knows it, and yet they accept it. Wilson came back. Cuddy wants to date him! How is that possible? Is he like an addiction or something?

The only one treating the situation somewhat realistically is Chase.

I know that most people want to believe that all people are mostly good. But how much would you take? I can't believe that Wilson and Cuddy are still around!

So, I'm starting to hate House. It's become super unrealistic. His character is beyond not understandable... the characters around him are also beyond not understandable. It's gone beyond that curious wonder of something like NCIS or CSI.

I hate to write this because I'm such a huge House fan, but tonight's episode completely pushed me over the edge.

Back To Normal

I haven't been doing much script writing lately. I've been doing a lot of short stories, etc. for school. I actually think this whole narrative fiction foray was probably very useful. I've learned quite a bit... Such as what's important and what's not in story telling, how to write better dialogue, how to actually revise and rewrite properly.

So, basically, just brush ups on little stuff.

But, hey, I think I needed it.

I'm looking to start a new spec. I would love to try Dexter, but I've seen so many people have a tough time with it. I think I will probably try House. It's a show I watch every week... I'm a bit of a medical buff... I don't think it'll be cancelled this season... I've seen almost every episode... Basically, I would like to think that I know it well. Also, I'm really not sure what else to try. To be honest, I haven't had much time to watch TV and I get super uncomfortable spec-ing something I haven't seen quite a bit of. Why? I want my spec to be the best it can. Why waste my time on something I feel I won't hit spot on? I know some people can spec after a couple episodes, and while I probably could, I don't really want to.

Big Baby

Moving home is making me feel like a bit of a baby. (Yes, that's me over there.)

I really shouldn't feel all that bad. I mean, I'm really not that old. Infact, most of my friends still live at home.

But...

But. I moved out of my parents' house for school at about 18. I've lived in a different province than them since I was 19. So, not only do I feel a bit disheartened about turning into a big baby, but I'm a little worried about how this is going to work out... if we'll get along. I love both of my parents with all of my heart, but things haven't always been easy between us. My views and their views have clashed since, oh, about the time that I learned to speak. I know I was a tough kid. I would hope that as an adult, I'm a tad easier to deal with, but the truth is that sometimes I find myself wanting to run away from my parents. Is that horrible? To fly across the country for Christmas and count down the days till you go back home? Well, have whatever opinion you like about that revelation... but the fact is that my home and their home will now be the same place. There'll be nowhere else to go. So, I'm a tad nervous.

My little brother is actually quite excited. He's fourteen and the last time I lived at home, he was still in elementary school. Lots of his friends have no clue that he has an older sister. I think this situation will be good for me and both of my brothers. Sometimes I feel that we lack that sort of sibling bond that so many siblings seem to have.

So, am I turning into a big baby who's dashing home to a cushy environment just because she can?

Work

Gah!

Is it really that hard to find 'the perfect job'?

Well, when I see it written like that, maybe I can understand why I'm a little frustrated.

I can afford to be a little picky, so, well, I'm being a little picky.

Still, the job market is so frustrating! There are lots of partial matches to what I want, but not many great matches. I'm moving to Winnipeg from one of those magical places where jobs grow on trees, so I'm a little shocked at how hard this whole job thing is for the rest of the country!

I'm glad that I can afford to be picky. I can't imagine what it's like for people who can't. I guess that's how you become a professional working at 7-11. But who knows... that might still be me in a couple months :P

Best Thing Ever

Apparently, Carrie Fisher has a biography. You can read some excerpts HERE. It's almost surreal... you're reading it and you want to laugh and then you remember that it's actually someone's LIFE!

I'm looking forward to checking out the whole shebang. The link is certainly worth ten minutes of your time.

Jobs

My first instinct was to find an advertising sales job in Winnipeg and make some pretty good coin. I'm qualified to do it, I know what I'm selling, and I'm a pretty good sales person.

Well, money aside, I'm moving to a city with a huge arts scene. I've been looking around in that industry as well... what I'm finding is that A) these jobs don't pay as well as sales (obviously) and B) not many people are hiring. I'm thinking that once I'm home, it'll be a lot easier to find something but the money issue is still holding me back.

It should be a no brainer. I should go for an arts job. But I also want to head to school set financially. I worked full time through college and that's not something I want to do again.

On another note, I've been watching American Dad a lot lately. I'm currently watching the one with Patrick Stewart and his Asian mistress! It's funnier than I thought it would be, but not quite at the Family Guy level.

Also, I finally saw Knocked Up today. It was pretty funny and really sweet. I really enjoyed it... but I thought it'd be a tad funnier.

I'm almost packed to move. I have seven (SEVEN!) bags of clothes to drop off at Good Will and another box of misc. stuff that I don't need. I also have a box of books that I need to put on the bus because they're not going to fit in my car. I'm thinking that I could be leaving as soon as Thursday... but it could be as late as the 12th. I'm trying to sort things out with school. The exam sched is all fucked up and one of my exams is a lot later than it's supposed to be. Most people would rejoice at that, but I need to get out of here. I'm trying to convince my prof to either let me write the exam earlier, or to let me write it at the U of M or the library in Winnipeg. It would be easier for him to just let me write it in Winnipeg (because he wouldn't have to have it ready early), but for some reason, he's super hesitant. I really don't understand why. I'm an A student. I go to every class. I would understand him being retarded if I was failing and never went to class... but I've worked hard. Help me out a bit, you know? Anyways, I'm thinking that he might make me stay around to write it a couple days early or give me no choice but to stay and write it with the class. It's retarded. It's a multiple choice exam. There's no reason that I have to write it in my fucking class... other than him being a major bee-otch.

Rolling On Down The Highway

So I'm moving across the country in a couple weeks. I'll be driving... I'm trying to get everything organized now so that I don't have to worry about too much in the next little while.

In just going through my bedroom, I got rid of:

~Four garbage bags full of clothes
~Three garbage bags full of garbage (Old electorics, papers, misc. junk)

That's a lot of stuff. It's crazy how much crap we all have!

All That She Wrote... Or Is It?

As soon as word got out that I'd left my job, I got two phone calls of interest.

Now, if either of them turn into serious offers remains to be seen. If they do, I don't think I'll accept either of them. I unplugged myself from this industry for a reason...

But it is hard to fully unplug. It's like the industry just keeps sucking you in.

Also, it's hard to leave because I'm at that point where I don't really have to look for work... I have enough connections to get what I want. That took a heck of a long time to build up and it'll probably take even longer once I'm out of school. That security is hard to leave.

My generation is supposed to switch careers something like four times... but oddly enough, I didn't ever really think that I would be switching careers. Especially not this young.

It's the right decision. I know it is. But it's a heck of a lot harder than I'd expected.

I Give Up

I hate that phrase and I always said it would never be associated with me.

Radio is a very young intudustrry. Why? Because people rarely retire from radio. They move on when they realize that it's difficult and pays crappy and isn't worth it. Most people move on when they decide to have families. Me? I'm moving on for school.

I never wanted to be the stereotype. I wanted to make this work.

That aside, I'm moving home. For the next little while, I'll be in Winnipeg, living with friends or, even, with my parents (I know!!! Yuck!!!) saving money to go to school in the fall full time. Then I'll be moving again to go to school.

I hate that I've done this because it's what everyone does and yet, I'm super relieved at the same time. It's like a ton of bricks off my chest.

David Thewlis

I totally forgot about this but I saw David Thewlis on 'The Hour' last week. I'm always amazed when I see him out of his 'Lupin' role. Lupin is, well, fat and ugly. David is not. How is that possible?

Remus is actually my fav Harry Potter character, so I may have squeeeeeeeed just a little when I saw him. It was odd though. He was sooooo skinny!

I'm pretty much a crazy Harry Potter fan. Well, borderline I guess. You know, crazy but without the fanfiction or obsessive internet communities. I did get book seven at midnight but that's where I draw the line.

Anyway, his interview was refreshing because he's so honest. He actually gave an answer to the 'which project do you wish you'd never done?' question. For the record, it was Basic Instinct 2.

SNL

Why don't I watch SNL?

This freaking CRACKED ME UP! Justin Timberlake in a leotard and heels, people. That's all you need to know! How the hell is he such a horrible actor in, well, movies, but so damn hilarious every time he's on SNL???

http://www.dailymotion.com/video/k5BSf7RLucUHHaQiGT

Running

Why am I running so much?

Well.

Here you go.

One of my friends is getting married in June. One of my good friends from high school. She's marrying her high school sweetheart, another good friend on mine.

What does this mean?

The wedding is going to be one big highschool reunion. I was pretty shy in high school and I had a couple of crushes that I never really... explored.

Now this doesn't mean that I want to explore them now. No. It means that despite the fact that these boys were perfectly nice to me and probably had no clue that I 'hearted' them, I want to look amazing anyway.

So, yes, I have no plans to 'heart' them now, and they didn't know that I 'hearted' them then, but I still want to make them stare.

This all seems very petty and retarded when put down in words, but I'm thinking that most girls would understand. We're just... girls. It doesn't matter that you didn't know or that high school was six years ago.

And this whole post makes me super glad that this blog is anonymous because this is totally one of those things that I wouldn't admit to if you knew my name.

GRRRR!!!

I did a series of steep hills for my run this morning. I hadn't done this route before, and as I was going DOWN the first hill, I thought, gee, this is really steep. And long. I'm going to have to go UP this on the way home.

But, off I went, up and down hills for about 45 minutes. Then I hit the mountain I'd decended on at the start of my run. I was already ready to call it quits after so many hills. I could see it looming through the morning fog. I set my jaw and told myself I was going to do it. I pushed myself with single minded competitiveness until I had to stop. Had to. It was awful. AWFUL! I thought I was going to have to sit down on the side of the road and take a break because just walking seemed a little too much. That wasn't a hill! It was an Alpine or something! I managed to walk the rest of the way up and not embarass myself in front of the people leaving church, and as I walked home, I came to the conclusion that pushing to the point of jello legs up a long steep hill might not be the best idea. I will take a bit more time next time... pace myself better leading up to it... and maybe not try to give myself a heart attack on the way up! Really though, I think I just didn't realize how hard it was going to be and not only did I completely wear myself out before hand, but I tried to take it a bit too quickly.

Eventually, I shall conquer my neighborhood Everest!

Bond. James Bond.

I'm not a huge James Bond fan, so I don't have much to compare it to, but I thought the new movie was good. Some of my friends said it 'wasn't their favorite', but no one hated it.

Here's a few things that I really loved...

~It wasn't TOO LONG! Now-a-days (just typing that makes me feel old), many of these types of movies (basically anything that isn't a romcom and sometimes even those) are soooo long! This was just perfect. Not too short. Not too long. People always say 'well, I didn't really mind that LOTR was a billion hours long', but the new Bond made me realize that maybe we're all wrong. Could less really be more? Maybe we just swallow things like LOTR because we're given no other choice. Movies aren't meant to make your butt go numb!

~Bond is a total man whore and proud of it. There was one scene where it was soooo bad and I think he may have been laughing at himself just a little.

~There was a little Canadian dig at the end (Paul Haggis wrote the script). It ends with the Canadian chick going 'thank you' in such a totally stereotypical Canadian way that the whole theatre snickered. Not sure if anyone outside of Canada will get the joke... but it was funny.

~Naked Daniel Craig. 'Nuff said. Not as much as the last movie, though.

~Less SEX than the last movie. This is an action movie! And, no, not THAT sort of action.

~Very little dialogue. Because it's an ACTION MOVIE! I think the chick had all of three lines. Although, there were times when a simple 'he killed my father' would have done instead of a monalogue. So, I guess this 'love' is a little hit and miss.

~The Americans were somewhat evil. Don't get me wrong, I don't think Americans are evil, I just thought it was an interesting spin.

~Did I mention the hotness that is Daniel Craig yet? Yes? Okay. Just wanted to make sure. Although, when he talks, watch his face. It DOES NOT MOVE!

Overall, I enjoyed the movie. Worth the price of admission... Well, I think it is. I got in for free, so I can't really vouch for that. So, I guess I could say that it's worth 'free' with confidence. Although I'm quite sure parting with $5-$10 will be worth it for most people.

Happy weekend!

~Anon

When You Suck

Last time I handed in a short story to be worshopped, I was nervous. This time, I wasn't. See, last time, I really liked my story and I wanted others to like it, too, and I was nervous that they wouldn't and I would be a failure and... well, you get the point.

This time, not so nervous. The reason why? I hate what I handed in. If people hate it, well then, we're in agreement.

I think I should feel ashamed or... something?? Sorry for the people who have to read it? But the bottom line is that I really did try hard and it just didn't work. It happens. Yes, I should have scrapped it in time to write something different, but I didn't. So that's it. Nothing I can do.

I know I must sound a little non chalant (and how do you spell that anyway?), but I just have to be, you know? Otherwise I'll just get really upset. Yes, I want my writing to be great. Yes, it pisses me off when I fall short of what I know I'm capable of. But it's not the end of the world. I think of it like having a bad run or a bad skating practice. The next one will be better. As long as I tried my hardest and did my best and put in an effort, well, that's good enough for me. And you know what? I bet I'll get some great notes and some great pointers that'll help me make sure I don't get stuck like this again. It's probably a good lesson to learn.

Still... After all of that positive self talk... it still sucks when you suck.

??

So...

What am I supposed to call my piece of shit? My prof's pet peeve is unnamed stories... so it needs a name.

I got nothing.

These little things! They kill me!

Holy Crap!

I've always worked in industries that were heavily Christmas CRAZY. In fact, my Mom owns a 'Christmas' business, so I've been heavily worked to death during the Christmas season since, well, ever. But somehow, I have managed to hang onto my love of Christmas.

This is crazy:



There are others from the same guy if you click on the 'more from' tab. They're all NUTS! I can't imagine the work that goes into all of that!

Also, you can visit http://holdman.com for more videos and also a bit of a 'backstage tour' into how everything works.

I love Christmas!

I Hate You!

For the first time in a long time, I've managed to produce a piece of writing that I just hate. Hate it.

I spent way too long trying to make myself like it when I just should have started over and now, well, I don't have time to start over, so I'm going to spend even more time trying to make it likeable when, really, I hate its guts.

GAH!

LA LA LA LA...

I can't hear anything. I have ear plugs in and it's quite weird... no typing noises. No nothing.

Still, ear plugs are, I think, one of the better investments I've made lately. I have a retardedly loud person living in the basement suite below me. I'll take creepily quiet over guitar hero any day.

I'm trying to finish up my short story for my creative writing class sometime today. I'm not sure if I'm even going to use it. I may start over. I proclaimed to the whole class that after writing a story about a serial killer, I was going to write a romance to make up for it. The story seems a little cheesy. I like the concept... It's about a couple (duh) and the guy does something insanely stupid without thinking and, well, the girl holds something that he wants desperately by the balls and after his stupidness, she's not very inclined to give him that thing. It's only after everything is done and over and the 'thing' has passed that she finally realizes what hurting him cost her because this 'thing' was important to her, too, and it's not something she'll ever be able to get back.

I'm guessing that -- up to a point -- romance is supposed to be cheesy. Just not quite as cheesy as my romance is. I'm not sure how to fix it. Although I can be a sap, I tend to walk a bit of a fine line on what I think is sappy or just stupid when I'm reading/watching something. Maybe I'm just overreacting because I laughed during 'A Walk To Remember'. Who knows. I shall tinker some more and make a decision on what to do.

BWAHAHAHA!!

Curve successfully ANIHILATED! Sorry classmates. Better luck next time. Or better luck landing in a class that has more than a dozen students so that one jackass can't study for, oh, EVER and kill your grade.

Sometimes I think that I might really enjoy going to graduate school for psychology. I really do enjoy it. I'm good at it. And I'd love to put my whole family in therapy :P

We just finished taking psych disorders, diagnosis and treatment. I found it insanely interesting. In a situation that pretty much spells out how retardedly all over the place I am, as I was studying for my psych exam, a wack of film students dove into the booth next to me with a couple of pizzas to discuss their upcoming short shoot. It was oddly... appropriate.

Have I mentioned that I absolutely can't spell? Why doesn't explorer spell check for you like Mozzilla?

Yes and No

While Prop 8 is still pending, I think many people have forgotten some of the other ballot issues in other states.

It's sad to note that Arizona has banned gay mariage and Florida looks like it's going to as well. Arkansas has banned gay couples from adopting children.

It's an historic day in the US and after coming down from the Obama high, the negative aspects are making my heart a little heavy.

So many couples are going to stay awake in California waiting for those results while wondering if their mariage is going to be revoked by people who don't even know them. And there's a good chance that they'll crawl into bed tonight knowing that when they wake up in the morning, their worlds will change because their state has voted to discriminate against them. That should not happen anywhere, never mind here in North America. I can only hope that the early results are not indicitive of the end result.

In Arizona, there are couples who will go to bed tonight knowing that as long as they choose to stay in Arizona, they will not have the rights given freely to their fellow citizens -- that their constitution now prohibits it because of who they choose to spend their lives with... raise their families with.

Are we really this hurtful? Are we really this judgmental? Prejudice? Narrow minded?

I would love to rant on this topic and how we're all people. But, I'd be wasting my breath. The people who agree with me don't need to hear it all again and the people who disagree won't be swayed by my ranting.

Holy Crap!

Checked CNN and Obama was still at 207... thought I had some time so I went for a jog... came back and found out that Barack had vaulted to 297 America had voted for change.

To any Americans that read this blog... congrats on taking a HUGE step towards being viewed a lot more positively out in the rest of the world.

The first black President of the United States. Something's caught in my eyes. Both of them. Must be dust.

Various

~ On the way home tonight, I saw a semi truck in my rear view mirror that looked so much like a transformer that I did a double take.

~ I may cry a bit if Obama wins tonight. Not bad tears, though.

~ On the other hand, if McCain wins, I'll be looking into what it'll take to get a Swiss passport. As Canadians, this election DOES effect us. Really. It is important to us. To see what the rest of the world thinks, visit http://www.iftheworldcouldvote.com/.

~ After saying that, yes, the election is important, I'm still upset about the lack of NCIS and House tonight.

~ I'm currently studying like mad for an exam. There's 12 people in the class, so... my goal is to DESTROY THE CURVE!!! BWAHAHAHA!!! I'm super competitive with everything I do. School is no different. Exams are practically sporting events to me. I might be the nicest person in class... Sharing notes, answering questions, asking the questions you don't want to ask the prof... but come exam time, it's my goal to ANNIHILATE YOU!

Mythbusters 2

AHHH!!! MacGyver special!!! Apprently, it's a Mythbusters marathon. This does not bode well for my reading.

Aaannnyyywaaaayyyy... I once watched all seven seasons of MacGyver in a couple months when I was living in the middle of nowhere. It wasn't quite as cool as it must have looked in the 80's, but it was okay. And funny. His mullet made the show. And the clothes! Anyways, I thought it was pretty good... until he started saving the rhinos and whales around season 4.

BUT... my point is that I saw somewhere that they purposefully made the science stuff pretty undoable so that people COULDN'T do it at home. So, I'm predicting a lot of 'busted' results. But who knows... maybe I'm wrong.

Oh... and I LOVE the couple days after halloween. Why? I just got 50 Hershey bars for $3.42. I shall try to pace myself :P

Mythbusters

Watching the baseball episode. They're testing sliding. Is it faster to slide or run. Is it better to stay standing?

Now, here's my issue... and maybe I'm just retarded... but I played ball for... ten years and in all of my sliding experience, I've always thought that the reason for sliding isn't speed, it's to get down and try not to get tagged. It's to try and get your hand or foot on the bag before the infielder can catch the ball and get her glove down to tag you. It's to try and sneak a body part in there before you're tagged. It's not about getting their faster.

Right?

Wrong?

AHHH!

I'm pretty much going nuts reading my psych text and trying to get it all down in time for an exam.

I have no clue why, but I always leave my psych reading until the last minute. I don't do this for other subjects. And, hey, I actually find psych interesting. So, why do I procrastinate?