When You Suck

Last time I handed in a short story to be worshopped, I was nervous. This time, I wasn't. See, last time, I really liked my story and I wanted others to like it, too, and I was nervous that they wouldn't and I would be a failure and... well, you get the point.

This time, not so nervous. The reason why? I hate what I handed in. If people hate it, well then, we're in agreement.

I think I should feel ashamed or... something?? Sorry for the people who have to read it? But the bottom line is that I really did try hard and it just didn't work. It happens. Yes, I should have scrapped it in time to write something different, but I didn't. So that's it. Nothing I can do.

I know I must sound a little non chalant (and how do you spell that anyway?), but I just have to be, you know? Otherwise I'll just get really upset. Yes, I want my writing to be great. Yes, it pisses me off when I fall short of what I know I'm capable of. But it's not the end of the world. I think of it like having a bad run or a bad skating practice. The next one will be better. As long as I tried my hardest and did my best and put in an effort, well, that's good enough for me. And you know what? I bet I'll get some great notes and some great pointers that'll help me make sure I don't get stuck like this again. It's probably a good lesson to learn.

Still... After all of that positive self talk... it still sucks when you suck.